One thing I have learned along the journey of cancer and life is that every day offers alternative choices; the choice to be negative and despondent or the choice to be joyous. And that is a choice, even if sometimes it seems like life’s course is being set for us. The need to address this choice is something I witnessed recently. Good friends of ours have been busy planning the bar mitzvah of their son. It is a rite that is filled with expectations and excitement. Unfortunately, the boy’s grandfather suffered a sudden heart attack shortly before the event and is still hospitalized. Yet the family decided to push on with the bar mitzvah and the attendant party. They danced, laughed and enjoyed the company of their friends and (most of) their family. They made a choice to be happy and share happiness. That in turn brought their happiness to the others around them, many of whom felt consumed or distracted by the sudden illness that threatened to undermine their significant and joyous event.
Aeschylus wrote that “happiness is a choice that requires effort at all times.” There were many times during my cancer battle that I was not feeling happy. There were lonely nights in the hospital, long days in the treatment room, solitary afternoons when I had no energy and countless moments of wondering what, if anything, the future held for me. However, I endeavored to be happy; to laugh at myself and my situation. I worked at making those around me laugh and put them at ease. I followed Mark Twain’s advice: “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” And you know what? Acting happy made me feel happy. Sometimes it took a lot of “effort,” as Aeschylus said, but the very proactive effort that the process of extracting happiness, regardless of the situation, required made it sweeter once achieved.
I remember Steve Martin once saying that he played the banjo because it’s impossible to be sad when playing the banjo; the sound of the instrument simply precludes it. It’s too “up,” too “snappy” and too “chipper.” That’s our choice too. We can play blues guitar or the banjo. I choose to make the sound of my soul “banjo music.” I want you all to join the band. In healing,
Howard
